31 May 2010
Beautifully Broken
I may be imperfect, but it's through my imperfections that the greatness of God's love and grace is magnified.
Imperfection
This week has been a hard, full-of-mess-ups week. I'm frustrated. I'm discouraged. I want to SCREAM! I don't want to mess up; I don't want to sin, but it just keeps happening.
Yeah, I know. I'm not perfect, and never will be. Therefore, I shouldn't let it bother me. Yeah... yeah... yeah... But it does bother me; it kills me, and I don't know what to do. I've prayed for God's help: to help my heart, to make me strong, for understanding, for guidance, but still- nothing. I just need to keep pressing. It's SO hard though.
Most of it all comes down to this though: me not listening. Me being a stubborn, do-it-my-way person. Each time I regret doing something, it's because I didn't listen to that little voice inside of me trying to scream out, "No!" Instead, I muffled that voice, choosing to be selfish and do as I wish. UGHHHH.
I guess all I can say now is that I'm so thankful to serve a gracious God who will always love me. And the blood that was shed to save me when I first became a Christian is the same blood that still saves me now from my sin. Yes, I know this, but my body, my soul, my mind doesn't know this. Please, Lord, help me grasp this concept.
Yeah, I know. I'm not perfect, and never will be. Therefore, I shouldn't let it bother me. Yeah... yeah... yeah... But it does bother me; it kills me, and I don't know what to do. I've prayed for God's help: to help my heart, to make me strong, for understanding, for guidance, but still- nothing. I just need to keep pressing. It's SO hard though.
Most of it all comes down to this though: me not listening. Me being a stubborn, do-it-my-way person. Each time I regret doing something, it's because I didn't listen to that little voice inside of me trying to scream out, "No!" Instead, I muffled that voice, choosing to be selfish and do as I wish. UGHHHH.
I guess all I can say now is that I'm so thankful to serve a gracious God who will always love me. And the blood that was shed to save me when I first became a Christian is the same blood that still saves me now from my sin. Yes, I know this, but my body, my soul, my mind doesn't know this. Please, Lord, help me grasp this concept.
24 May 2010
Summer 2010
It's hard to believe this year is already half way over, and already so much has happened. So much time has elapsed, yet it feels like none at all. I'm amazed at how much can happen in such, what seems like, a short amount of time. Looking back from 2009 to now, I have changed and matured so much.
I started seeking after God and restoring my relationship with Him. I have not felt so good in a very long time. In the Lord, there is a peace and joy-- a fulfillment that I longed for whenever my relationship with Him was lacking. I searched and searched to fill that void in all sorts of ways, and nothing seemed to work. I grew weary and frustrated, and finally I realize that God is the only one who can fill this void in my life that I've longingly and unsuccessfully tried to fill any way possible. I put my trust and hope in worldly things and people, and was only disappointed. God is the only one who will never disappoint-- I've learned that I must look to Him, and not to the things of this Earth. His plan may not match up with what you had in mind, but it will always lead to more happiness and blessings than you can imagine. He gives us sufferings and hard ships, but He will never give us more than we can handle and will never leave us on our own. This year already is a testament to this; He has revealed so much to me. It's too powerful to put into words. Daily, I am reminded of His beauty and awesomeness simply by taking a few extra minutes to slow down and actually look at His creations-- from the sun set to the trees to people (yes, even those you don't like). Everything is definitely made by Him and reveals His glory. He is the center of the universe. Without Him, this world would fall apart-- at least my world would.
He is my strength, my endurance, my reason. This summer, without the pressure of school and everything that accompanies that, I am excited to draw even closer to God, Jesus Christ, my redeemer. To live my life, purposefully, for Him.
I started seeking after God and restoring my relationship with Him. I have not felt so good in a very long time. In the Lord, there is a peace and joy-- a fulfillment that I longed for whenever my relationship with Him was lacking. I searched and searched to fill that void in all sorts of ways, and nothing seemed to work. I grew weary and frustrated, and finally I realize that God is the only one who can fill this void in my life that I've longingly and unsuccessfully tried to fill any way possible. I put my trust and hope in worldly things and people, and was only disappointed. God is the only one who will never disappoint-- I've learned that I must look to Him, and not to the things of this Earth. His plan may not match up with what you had in mind, but it will always lead to more happiness and blessings than you can imagine. He gives us sufferings and hard ships, but He will never give us more than we can handle and will never leave us on our own. This year already is a testament to this; He has revealed so much to me. It's too powerful to put into words. Daily, I am reminded of His beauty and awesomeness simply by taking a few extra minutes to slow down and actually look at His creations-- from the sun set to the trees to people (yes, even those you don't like). Everything is definitely made by Him and reveals His glory. He is the center of the universe. Without Him, this world would fall apart-- at least my world would.
He is my strength, my endurance, my reason. This summer, without the pressure of school and everything that accompanies that, I am excited to draw even closer to God, Jesus Christ, my redeemer. To live my life, purposefully, for Him.
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